Afterthoughts - Loyalty
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Random thoughts after the fire and beyond


TITLE: Afterthoughts - Loyalty  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Random thoughts after the fire and beyond  
SPOILER: Loyalty  
RATING: TV-14  
DISTRIBUTION: http://inspiredbylove.homestead.com is my site, I'm at fanfiction.net under Goddess Isa - if you want the story, just send me the URL  
DISCLAIMER: Joss & David invented the characters, plech. They are evil, evil, EVIL beings and I WILL have my way with their computers one day.   
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The above statement sounded a lot more disgusting than it was supposed to. Sorry about that.  
2/25/02  
  
  
*~*Cordelia*~*  
  
  
I always miss everything.  
  
I missed Connor's birth, sort of, because Angel and Darla were already killing each other in the rain and we hadn't even driven up yet. By the time we got there, all the fun was over and done with.  
  
I missed Angel learning about his Sanshu, because I was in the hospital recovering from Wolfram and Hart trying to kill me.  
  
And I missed the Earthquake, and the fire, and Angel saving Connor and Wesley's lives 'cause I was in Barbados.   
  
And just for the record? Barbados is boring.  
  
And Gru is boring.  
  
Somehow, I'm gonna get my plane changed and get back early. I'll be alone-again-and single-again-but I'll be there.  
  
And to think, Angel said when I left that I wouldn't miss anything. That's the last time I listen to my boss.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
*~*Gunn*~*  
  
  
I don't get emotionally involved in stuff. I don't. I just stay back, outta the fire so-to-speak. I do my thing and don't step on anybody's toes.   
  
That was then. This is now.  
  
I fell in love with Fred practically overnight. The day we first kissed, my world changed forever and I've never been so grateful for anything as I am for her. Loving her is a learning experience, but I'm not about to five up on her, ever.  
  
Loving for her didn't take a lot of work like I thought it would. And loving her has made me care for the others in ways I didn't think possible. I care for Connor, because he's so innocent, and cute, and sweet. He can't help what goes on around him.  
  
I care for Cordelia because she's so tough. The visions, the battle, they don't phase her. She just keeps on fighting as though it were her duty as much as it is Angel's. I don't know, maybe it is her battle now. That makes me care for her even more.  
  
I care for Angel because he cares for us. We're his family, and he's made it known that his survival depends on ours. That's kind of a nice feeling, to know that you're truly needed.  
  
I did care for Wesley, once. I cared for him like the brother I had always wanted him and respected him as a boss. Now I just pity him.  
  
And for me, pity is one step above hate.  
  
  
*****  
  
*~*Angel*~*  
  
  
I refuse to give in to this. To believe that people are worthless. That there's no one out there you can trust.  
  
I won't let tem do it to me.  
  
I refuse.  
  
But Wesley?  
  
When I'm though with him, he's going to wish I'd let him die in the fire.  
  
That's a promise.  
  
*****  
  
  
*~*Wesley*~*  
  
  
I have done the right thing.  
  
I have done the right thing.  
  
I have done the right thing.  
  
It doesn't really feel right. It feels quite wrong, actually.  
  
But Father will be proud of me when he hears. And I should be proud of myself, regardless of the fact that I feel like shit.  
  
  
*****  
  
*~*Lorne*~*  
  
  
No. This is not happening. No. It's just not.  
  
Wesley was the last person I thought would crack. But I shoulda sensed that something was off, noticed the signs, seen it coming. I shoulda gotten to Angel before all of this.  
  
Cordy's gonna kill him when she finds out, and she's libel to kill me. Don't shoot the messenger, don't shoot the messenger.  
  
Why am I the one who's got to tell her?  
  
Oh, yeah. I volunteered.  
  
How can I do this, exactly? Should I just call her up and say, "Hey, Cor, sorry to bother you on your demon sexathon, but I kinda thought you'd wanna know that Wesley went completely mad and kidnapped Connor. Enjoy the rest of your trip! Drink a mimosa for me!"  
  
Yeah, that'll go real well.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
*~*Fred*~*  
  
I guess you never really do know people. I thought I knew Wesley, but I was wrong.  
  
I thought he was this great guy who worried about all of us and put our lives before our job. I never thought he could do something like this.  
  
Gunn thinks he's possessed, but I know better. I know that he's changed.  
  
He's different around all of us, has been for awhile. And Angel will never trust him again.  
  
Not that I think he should-he shouldn't. None of us should. But Angel shouldn't stay here in LA, either. He should move away from her. Far away from Wesley and Wolfram and Hart and the bad memories of ugly things that go bump in the night trying to kill them.  
  
He should go home to Sunnydale, but he I know he never will. Buffy is home to him, but it would be hard to admit they have a chance.  
  
As much of a creep as Wesley is, Angel is ten times the chicken.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
*~*Cordelia*~*  
  
This is impossible for me to believe.  
  
Wesley, who I loved. Wesley, who I've kissed on numerous occasions. Wesley, who saved my life umteen times.  
  
Wesley is a traitor.  
  
A murdeorus traitor that we have to stop before it's too late. He says he took the baby to protect him, but I don't think Connor has to fear anyone the way he has to fear Wesley.  
  
I will never, ever trust another man who comes into my life as long as I live. I'm sorry I've trusted this many.  



End file.
